Terms of Service

TINFOIL™ (tinfoil.wtf) is a lifestyle brand and e-commerce store operated out of an undisclosed location in the United States. We sell headwear, apparel, accessories, and memberships. Our products are designed for personal expression, conversation-starting, and looking objectively good. Any cognitive defense properties — electromagnetic, psychological, symbolic, or otherwise — are presented for entertainment and cultural commentary purposes.

We are not a medical device company. We are not a government contractor. We are not responsible for what happens inside your head, only what goes on top of it.

You may create an account to track orders and access member features. You’re responsible for keeping your login credentials secure. If you suspect unauthorized access, contact us immediately at contact@tinfoil.wtf and we’ll lock it down.

If you join the Tinfoil Underground, your membership is subject to the terms presented at the time of enrollment. Your asset number is permanent. There is no alumni status. This was clearly stated. You agreed to it. We’re stating it again.

All prices are listed in USD. We accept payment through Stripe. When you place an order, you’re making an offer to purchase, and we’ll confirm acceptance via email. We reserve the right to cancel orders in cases of pricing errors, suspected fraud, or if our fulfillment partners suddenly become sentient and refuse to cooperate.

Because our products are made on demand by print-on-demand partners, production begins shortly after your order is confirmed. This is relevant to the returns section below. Scroll ahead if you’re already worried.

We ship to the contiguous United States and select international locations. Shipping times vary because our products are manufactured on demand, not pulled from a warehouse shelf. Estimated delivery windows are provided at checkout and in your confirmation email. We do our best to be accurate, but we don’t control the postal system, weather patterns, or whatever Mercury is doing this week.

Once your order ships, tracking information will be provided via email. If a package is lost or damaged in transit, contact us and we’ll work with you to resolve it.

Because our products are produced on demand specifically for your order, we do not accept returns for change of mind, wrong size selected, or general buyer’s remorse. Each item is made to order after you order it — it didn’t exist before you wanted it. This is philosophically interesting and also the reason we can’t take it back.

However, we’re not unreasonable:

Misprints, defects, or damage: If your product arrives with a printing error, manufacturing defect, or shipping damage, contact us at contact@tinfoil.wtf within 14 days of delivery with photos of the issue. We’ll replace the item or issue a refund at our discretion.

Wrong item received: If we sent you the wrong product, that’s on us. Contact us and we’ll make it right.

Sizing issues: We provide sizing guides on product pages. We strongly recommend consulting them before ordering, as “it doesn’t fit” isn’t a defect — it’s a measurement discrepancy, and those are on you. That said, if you’re between sizes, reach out before ordering and we’ll do our best to advise.

Everything on this site — the name, the logos, the copy, the product designs, the brand voice, the vaguely threatening aesthetic, the redacted coordinates in the footer — is owned by TINFOIL™ or its licensors. You may not reproduce, distribute, or create derivative works from our content without written permission.

If you’d like to use our materials for press coverage, reviews, or content creation, visit our Press & Media Kit page or contact us. We’re generally reasonable about this if you ask first.

Don’t use this site to do anything illegal, harmful, or profoundly tedious. Don’t attempt to hack, scrape, or reverse-engineer our systems. Don’t impersonate TINFOIL™ staff, representatives, or Hugh McBain’s ghost. Don’t use our products or brand in connection with hate speech, harassment, or anything that would make us regret selling things to people.

Our products are provided “as is.” We make no warranties, express or implied, regarding electromagnetic shielding efficacy, cognitive defense performance, algorithm resistance, or protection from any specific frequency, signal, thought pattern, or existential dread. Our hats are hats. Very good hats. But hats.

The site and its content are provided for informational and entertainment purposes. References to research, studies, and historical events are presented in good faith but should not be construed as scientific claims, medical advice, or instructions for building a Faraday cage in your apartment (though we wouldn’t judge you if you did).

To the fullest extent permitted by law, TINFOIL™ shall not be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising from your use of this site or our products. This includes but is not limited to: loss of data, loss of revenue, emotional distress caused by reading our FAQ page, or the social consequences of wearing a tinfoil-branded hat to a family gathering.

Our total liability for any claim shall not exceed the amount you paid for the product in question.

These terms are governed by the laws of the United States. Any disputes will be resolved in accordance with applicable federal and state law. We’d prefer to resolve things over email like adults, but the legal system exists for a reason, and we acknowledge that.

We may update these terms from time to time. Changes will be posted here with an updated date. Continued use of the site after changes constitutes acceptance. We won’t make changes designed to trick you — that’s antithetical to everything we claim to stand for, and we’d like to maintain at least some credibility.

Questions about these terms? Contact us at contact@tinfoil.wtf. We read every email. Some of them twice, just to be safe.